Nuts and Milk – Retro Wednesdays Episode 56

imgresThis week we look at Nuts and Milk. That is a sentence I never thought I would type. Ever.

This will likely be a short review. As some may know my wife is expecting our first child to arrive this week so you’ll have to forgive the brevity of this post. My child will also have to forgive me this week if they appear with this semi-crappy game.

Nuts and Milk is made by Hudson so going in I had some hope it would be interesting. I mean it has Nuts and Milk in it so it has to at least be a bit whacky. Well I was not disappointed with the whacky-ness, but the game itself just sucks.

As soon as you boot it up it’s there staring at you screaming “LAUNCH TITLE!” with the game modes and such. I still had hope playing it. So in this game you play as a blob named Milk which may or may not be Kirby’s cousin. You have to rescue your “woman” named Yogurt on each level by collecting fruit and avoiding other blobs called… NUTS. Milk, Yogurt, and Nuts. yeah the game designers on this one…

Anyway, to collect fruit you have an action platformer that is insanely similar to Donkey Kong Jr. Your character can move and jump and that’s about it. I never figured out how to kill the Nuts, except for when they suicide by running after you on a ledge. And as soon as they do they come back. In game B you can add in a helicopter for some reason. I’m sure it’s named Pudding or some thing equally weird. There’s also a level editor that lets you tweak levels and play through them similar to Excitebike.

The game itself is mind-numbingly boring and honestly plagued with weird controls. Even today if I play it I still cannot consistently get the jumping springs to work. You end up looking at the game and how simple it looks, only to be lulled into stupid deaths. And that’s about it. The graphics are OK, and the music really quickly gets on your nerves.

It begs the question if this game was out at the start of the Famicom, what would have happened if they shipped this game instead of Super Mario Bros. Would Nintendo have survived? Would millions of kids who love Mario now love Milk? Would Nuts be the Koopa Trooper we all know and love? Honestly I’m glad we didn’t get this game because I would have inevitably gotten it and been annoyed and disappointed.

In the end if you spend more than $4 for Nuts and Milk you are crazy or trying real hard to get a full Famicom set but honestly it’s just a forgettable game.

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